Understand and Overcome Potty Training Regression
Potty training regression can be heartbreaking for a parent. All we think of is how long and hard we had to work to teach a child how to use the bathroom properly, and it can be crushing to see them get the hang of the entire process, only to start having unexplainable accidents. There are many reasons why a child may start to experience this “drawback” in such a fundamental area of their life. We are going to talk about a few of the major reasons why potty training regression occurs and what you can do to get your child back on the path to proper potty usage.
Major Life Change
A major life change is one of the most likely causes for potty training regression in a child. Sometimes changes which seem minor to us adults can really have a profound effect on our children. –But because we didn’t have any problem adjusting, it doesn’t cross our minds to sit down with our kids to get their opinion of the ordeal. A new sibling is definitely a major change that most parents are pretty good about addressing with their children. Still, sometimes the shock of the new addition can affect your other child(ren) and they can end up having accidents. Other life changes include a change in teacher(s) at day care or play school, separation or divorce, moving to a new house/neighborhood, and having someone new join the household (not just babies, but also a family member, such as a grandparent, or a boyfriend/girlfriend). Most children become dependent upon the everyday stability they have come to expect in their short lives, and even the most delicate of upset in their routine could have negative effects on their behavior or skills.
Overcoming regression due to a major life change often involves sitting down with the child and asking them how they feel about whatever the life change is. If they honestly express their feelings, reassure them that you can work it out together and stick to that promise. If a new baby is the life change, then the first child should be included in activities that involve the baby. This will help them understand what having a new baby around really boils down to and eventually they will come to accept that as another part of their life. When they become comfortable again, they will jump back on the potty wagon.
If separation or divorce is the issue, both parents need to sit down with the child and explain what is going on. The child doesn’t need the gory details, but they do deserve a (delicate) explanation. The child should be reassured that they are not losing a parent and that they will be able to see both parents often. It’s important not to make any promises that can’t be kept, otherwise further trauma could result.
If a new school teacher or new house is the life change, then the child should be given an explanation as to why this change was necessary. The explanation should be broken down into terms that the child can understand, as this will help them accept the change more easily and move on with it. After the child has been made to understand the purpose of the life change, a gentle reiteration of the potty training process may be necessary to get them back onto the right foot.
Preoccupation with Mastering Other Skills
As difficult as potty training can be for the parent, it is just as stressful for the child—or even more-so because all of the pressure is on them to learn this important new skill. After weeks and sometimes months of working on potty training, the child eventually gets to the point where using the toilet becomes second-nature. They don’t have to be asked if they need to use the toilet and might even go through the whole process by themselves. When potty training regression starts to occur and your child has not experienced any life changes, the parent might need to sit back and really observe their child’s activities. Does the child tend to have accidents when they seem to be engrossed in something? It is extremely common for a child to become so caught up in a game, puzzle, drawing, TV show, or other project that they literally put off going to the bathroom until their body simply gives in.
To overcome this issue, the parents may have to remind their child about the importance of going to the bathroom. For instance, if the child is completely engrossed in learning how to put together a puzzle, the parent may have to verbally remind the child that while learning how to do a puzzle is a tough and important project, it’s also important to remember to use the bathroom when we need to go. Simply asking the child if they need to use the bathroom will likely result in a clipped “no”, which can have two totally different meanings. “No” could mean “No, I don’t need to go to the bathroom,” or it could mean, “No, I’m not leaving this project.” If it has been a particularly long time since the child’s last bathroom break, the parent should explain their understanding of how important the child’s project is, yet gently push their child towards the restroom with the assurance that a short break will not do any harm.
Potty training regression is a definitely a stressful situation to deal with, and it really is something that many parents end up having to face and help their children overcome. The key is to keep open communication lines with the child and to observe their behavior and activities. The cause of regression is not always related to the two aforementioned issues. It could also be a result of the child being afraid to leave a toy/project for fear that it will be gone when they return (especially if a sibling or playmate is present). The child may even have had a bad experience while using the restroom (such as a painful bowel movement or urinary tract infection). There are so many possibilities behind this issue, but it’s up to the parents to be strong and search for the underlying issue.